Changing it up

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I think I’ve been taking the wrong approach with big sis. I’ve been encouraging her independence and life skills, thinking along the lines of being as equipped as possible for when she goes back to Nan. But I don’t think that’s the way to go. When I think about it, she’s been in care for close to a year and a half, and in that time has not lived with anyone who has loved her. So in essence she’s really still five, barely six, inside and I think some of the behaviours I’ve been seeing are her asking me to make her feel completely looked after. So I’m going to try babying her a little. Loving on the five year old inside and making her feel protected and safe. I’ll run her showers for her and sit and chat while she washes her hair. I’ll make her breakfast in the morning and help her put her clothes on. I’ll play uno (card games she loves) until my brain is leaking out my ears and stop worrying so much that she doesn’t have independent play just yet. Independence can wait a few months, I think I forgot about felt safety. I’ll let you know how I go.

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4 responses »

  1. Good plan!! So many kids in Care are behind developmentally. In the case of my Dolly I call them “trauma holes”. There are some places where she very much acts like the five year old that she is. But because she survived 3.5 years living in a very neglectful situation, she hasn’t been exposed to a lot of things and there are plenty of areas where she’s quite behind.

  2. I think this is a struggle with any parent & child. My bioson had a hard time finding away to occupy himself around that age and since we live in the middle of nowhere and he was an only child at the time it wasn’t easy to find activities. If this doesn’t work I am sure you will come up with something else. That’s the way it goes. try and try again! Best of luck

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